The Art and Science of Dealing with Difficult People

Reinforce appropriate behaviour
The previous Secret focused on rewarding the right activity. Here we’ll look at reinforcing appropriate behaviour – that is, the way things are done rather than what is being done. Use both Secrets together to minimize the number of difficult people.

This Secret and the previous one have a big thing in common. They are both about rewarding and reinforcing what it is that you want in the business. Once again, this is easier if there is leadership from the top, and it is part of the culture – but your isolated contribution to reinforcing the right behaviour will help develop improved relationships with those around you.

case study Norman was coaching a manager who had constant problems in meetings with two people. They undermined what was going on, which distracted the others. Norman suggested that the manager might try several things with the two difficult people – have separate chats with them to understand

• Work on values. Make sure that company values are not just posted on the noticeboard and forgotten. That will make them a waste of time. Encourage company values to be identified and for the associated behaviours to be reinforced. So, if one of your values is “We value team before self”, make sure that the behaviours that look like good teamwork are privately and publicly reinforced and rewarded.

• Manage performance. Incorporate the above ideas into your performance review process, so that you will review behaviours as a way of life and also periodically review values-based behaviour

• Understand what makes us tick. If you are to manage difficult behaviour successfully, you need to understand behaviour! Consider what shapes our behaviour, what behaviours you can realistically expect to change – and what you can’t.
• Look in the mirror. You may be the problem. This chapter helps you to understand yourself and to consider how you appear to others.
• Step into their shoes. If you are to help people see the need for change, you need to understand those people and discover why they are different to you. In this chapter you will be offered tips on how to create trust and rapport before attempting change.
• Give difficult people a chance. There is a need for you to display leadership, even though sometimes you may not be the line manager. We will look at clear outcomes, role clarity, reinforcing appropriate behaviour and helpful communication.
• Use the right tool for the situation. There are many tools

Check your credibility. Before you seek to change others, make sure you are credible yourself.
• Put first things first. Demonstrate clearly what your priorities are and how they fit with the priorities of those around you.
• Be positive Use a positive and common language to relate to those you work with