I Want to Die but I Want to Eat Tteokbokki

I also didn’t know how to not blame myself for weaknesses or faults.

Psychiatrist: Of course you did. You’ve revealed feelings you’ve kept hidden for decades, of course you’re going to feel embarrassed. Think of it as a transitional phase.

anxiety towards new situations and how I appear to others, and how this comes out as hostility towards others – these were all problems so entrenched that it seemed hopeless to try to solve them.

Psychiatrist: Fear increases when it’s something that you keep to yourself. Instead of suffering alone, it can often be good to share it with someone else, like you’re doing now.

People say I’m very honest. But I thought to myself: Am I really an honest person? And I realised the part of me that I hide from all others is this part.

But the crux of the matter is that you keep believing you have to meet other people’s expectations—

The funnier thing is that often I have no interest in the men but I’m hoping they’re interested in me. Jesus, I really do hate myself, I’m pathetic.

I am very aware of it. I’m so sensitive to that sort of thing that every little word sounds like thunder.

(Wow, this is painful for me to write. I really sound like a crazy person here.)

Feelings of envy are very common, it only means you have ideals. But envy coupled with constant comparisons with oneself is something distinct. I think you’re only idealising her a little, it doesn’t seem that seriou