The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work

Remind yourself that being helpful to each other will do far more for the strength and passion of your marriage than a two-week Bahamas getaway.

Will they chat while they eat lunch?

ill they read or listen to the news together or silently alone?

happy couples live by the credo “When you are in pain, the world stops and I listen.”

The big challenge is to notice when your partner does turn toward you. Remember: unhappy couples tend to underestimate how often this occurs.

Each time partners turn toward each other, they are funding what I’ve come to call their emotional bank account.

So fondness and admiration prevent you from being trounced by the four horsemen.

They know each other’s life goals, worries, and hopes.

One or both partners may have only the sketchiest sense of the other’s joys, likes, dislikes, fears, stresses. The husband may love modern art, but his wife couldn’t tell you why or who his favorite artist is. He doesn’t remember the names of her friends or the coworker she fears is constantly trying to undermine her.

ike many complaints, it has three parts: (1) Here’s how I feel (“I’m really angry”); (2) About a very specific situation (“you didn’t sweep last night”); (3) And here’s what I need/want/prefer (“Could you do it now?”).