The Adoption Papers

Chapter 1: The Seed
I never thought it would be quicker
than walking down the mainstreet
I want to stand in front of the mirror
swollen bellied so swollen bellied
The time, the exact time
for that particular seed to be singled out
I want to lie on my back at night
I want to pee all the time
amongst all others
like choosing a dancing partner
I crave discomfort like some women
crave chocolate or earth or liver
Now these slow weeks on
I can’t stop going over and over
I can’t believe I’ve tried for five years
for something that could take five minutes
It only took a split second
not a minute or more.
I want the pain
the tearing searing pain
I want my waters to break
like Noah’s flood
I want to push and push
and scream and scream.
When I was sure I wrote a short note
six weeks later – a short letter
He was sorry; we should have known better
He couldn’t leave Nigeria.
I missed him, silly things