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Olivia Laing

The Lonely City

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    Yelena Jetpyspayevamembuat kutipan2 tahun yang lalu
    You can be lonely anywhere, but there is a particular flavour to the loneliness that comes from living in a city, surrounded by millions of people.
    rexdrblmembuat kutipanbulan lalu
    ‘David has a problem,’ he wrote bitterly in his journal, ‘he feels pain being alone but can’t stand most people. How the fuck do you solve that?’
    rexdrblmembuat kutipanbulan lalu
    SOMETIMES, ALL YOU NEED IS permission to feel. Sometimes, what causes the most pain is actually the attempt to resist feeling, or the shame that grows up like thorns around it.
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    ‘Our society is not a community but merely a collection of isolated family units.’
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    ‘the solitude of two persons passing in opposite directions creates a personal seclusion’
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    ‘I want to create a myth that I can one day become’
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    I’d always found straight society isolating and potentially dangerous.
    Jaymembuat kutipan6 bulan yang lalu
    There are so many things that art can’t do
    Jaymembuat kutipan6 bulan yang lalu
    the way life is made up of endless failures of intimacy, endless errors and separations, that anyway culminate only with loss.
    Jaymembuat kutipan6 bulan yang lalu
    longing for something beloved that has departed and will not come again.
    Jaymembuat kutipan7 bulan yang lalu
    In these situations I felt liberated from the persistent weight of loneliness, the sensation of wrongness, the agitation around stigma and judgement and visibility. But it didn’t take much to shatter the illusion of self-forgetfulness, to bring me back not only to myself but to the familiar, excruciating sense of lack. Sometimes the trigger was visual – a couple holding hands, something as trivial and innocuous as that.
    Jaymembuat kutipan7 bulan yang lalu
    wanted things at a distance and unwanted things too close: an erotics of insufficient intimacy, which is of course a synonym for loneliness itself
    Jaymembuat kutipan7 bulan yang lalu
    She’s seen preparing dinner for an imaginary lover, weeping and consoling herself with alcohol, picking up a stranger, then fighting him off when his advances go too far.
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    something which cannot be achieved by sheer willpower or by simply getting out more, but only by developing intimate connections
    Jaymembuat kutipan8 bulan yang lalu
    But mostly I didn’t speak. Mostly I was walled up inside myself, and certainly a very long way from anyone else
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    I wanted very much not to be where I was. In fact part of the trouble seemed to be that where I was wasn’t anywhere at all. My life felt empty and unreal and I was embarrassed about its thinness, the way one might be embarrassed about wearing a stained or threadbare piece of clothing. I felt like I was in danger of vanishing, though at the same time the feelings I had were so raw and overwhelming that I often wished I could find a way of losing myself altogether, perhaps for a few months, until the intensity diminished. If I could have put what I was feeling into words, the words would have been an infant’s wail: I don’t want to be alone. I want someone to want me. I’m lonely. I’m scared. I need to be loved, to be touched, to be held. It was the sensation of need that frightened me the most, as if I’d lifted the lid on an unappeasable abyss.
    Alomembuat kutipan8 bulan yang lalu
    What does it feel like to be lonely? It feels like being hungry: like being hungry when everyone around you is readying for a feast
    Alomembuat kutipan8 bulan yang lalu
    oneliness, I began to realise, was a populated place: a city in itself.
    Debby Kristantimembuat kutipan8 bulan yang lalu
    Loneliness is a very special place
    Debby Kristantimembuat kutipan8 bulan yang lalu
    Loneliness, I began to realise, was a populated place: a city in itself.
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