Flow

To understand why some things we do are more enjoyable than others, we shall review the conditions of the flow experience (chapter 4). “Flow” is the way people describe their state of mind when consciousness is harmoniously ordered, and they want to pursue whatever they are doing for its own sake. In reviewing some of the activities that consistently produce flow—such as sports, games, art, and hobbies—it becomes easier to understand what makes people happy.

Each of us has a picture, however vague, of what we would like to accomplish before we die.

whereas most others would succumb to the ordeal

that people who can enjoy themselves in a variety of situations have the ability to screen out stimulation and to focus only on what they decide is relevant for the moment

At the individual level anomie corresponds to anxiety, while alienation corresponds to boredom

An athlete who does not run regularly will soon be out of shape, and will no longer enjoy running. Any manager knows that his company will start falling apart if his attention wanders. In each case, without concentration, a complex activity breaks down into chaos. Why should the family be different?

the sake of experiencing the joy of belonging to a more complex system that joins separate consciousnesses in a unified goal.

When a family has a common purpose and open channels of communication, when it provides gradually expanding opportunities for action in a setting of trust, then life in it becomes an enjoyable flow activity.

what happens, the parents’ concern for them is not in question.

When there is no risk attached to transgressing rules they become meaningless, and without meaningful rules an activity cannot be enjoyable. Children must know that parents expect certain things from them, and that specific consequences will follow if they don’t obey.