Pillow Thoughts III

t doesn’t have to be two in the morning to think about you. I think about you when I am filing through the moments of my day. And yet at 2 a.m. when I am thinking about you, I am also pretending what it would feel like to be in your arms.

Sometimes I wonder if fear is really the ghosts inside us

of the things we should have said

but didn’t

Sadness feels like a lifelong friend some days. As though I cannot let it go, because I am not sure who I would be without it.

Please believe this

As easily as the sun rises

You are enough

Often, we grow ideas in our minds of how things should be. We imagine scenarios, and we dream of the way others may act. We may do this in relationships or friendships or opportunities. The trouble with this is the grief we feel if plans or people don’t go or act in the way we expected them to. The reality in all this is we will probably continue to envision ideas that never come true or expect others to respond in ways they never will. But it’s important to understand the grief is valid. The things we thought we knew may not always be true, but at the time they felt very real. It’s okay to cry about this, to talk about it. As long as, in the end, you let the expectation go.

When you fall, the hurt won’t last.

You will grow again.

Pain will always be in your life. You need to walk beside it, hold its hand, understand that while it’s not always fair, you will learn something from it being there.

I’m learning to love myself, especially the thoughts in my mind. I’m learning that sometimes I will have dark thoughts and other times I won’t, and both are okay, as long as I remember I am always worth it.

I wish for someone to look at me and lose the next thing they were going to say.

The things we thought we knew may not always be true, but at the time they felt very real. It’s okay to cry about this, to talk about it. As long as, in the end, you let the expectation go.