Kulti

“Remember that idiotic question you asked me in the car? About what would happen when you can’t play soccer any longer?” He didn’t wait for any acknowledgment. “Nothing would happen. We would have a different adventure to go on. You are my best friend, my love, my playmate and my teammate. You’ll have a team with me wherever we are, with whatever we are playing.”

“You’re a better person than I am, and I haven’t loved anything the way that I love you, schnecke. I would say we’re tied,” he argued. His smile was gentle, his skin bright and flushed. “I’ve been waiting every day of my life for you. Your honesty, your loyalty,” he punctuated each of my traits with a kiss to a different part of my face that had me grinning like a freaking fool. “Your competitiveness, your fierceness, your kindness and this body… I would do anything for you. Lie, cheat and steal. There is nothing I wouldn’t do. Understand?”

Maybe I was expecting him to get all smug about what I said, but he didn’t. Instead, that intense expression that usually lived on his face reached a different level. He gave me one of those stares that made the hairs on my arms stand up. “You say that as if there were anyone else in this world I would want. You have no idea what I feel for you.” He blinked and spat out something I never would have expected. “There is no gray area for me where you’re concerned. I don’t share, and I expect nothing less from you.”

I… what in the hell do you say to that? What? What could you possibly say? It was psycho sure, but it didn’t bother me. I’d been the teenager that drew mustaches on his ex-girlfriends’ faces for months when their pictures would come up in magazines I looked through.

I swallowed and stared at that lightly lined face, at his crow’s feet and the lines under his eyes. He was the most handsome man I’d ever seen. It was plain and simple.

“You never said or did anything to let me know you saw me as more than a friend,” I explained, making sure we were eye-to-eye.

The German didn’t look exactly appeased by my observation. He licked his lips and leaned back against the couch, eyeing me with an expression that was part aggravation and part something else. “What would you have done if I’d said something?”

The hell? “Not believed you.” Why would I? We’d been so hot and cold; I never understood what the hell was going through his head.

He raised his eyebrows and nodded. “That’s your reason. What would I gain from telling you the first moment I realized you were meant to be mine? Nothing. You’re supposed to protect what you love, Sal. You taught me that. I didn’t wake up one day and know I didn’t want to live without your horrible temper. I saw so much of me in you at first, but you aren’t like me at all. You’re you, and I will go to my grave before I let anyone change any part of you. I know that without a doubt in my mind. This,” he pointed between us. “This is what matters. You are my gift, my second chance, and I will cherish you and your dream. I will protect both of you.

“I’ve been waiting, and I will keep on waiting until the time is right. You are my equal, my partner, my teammate, my best friend. I’ve done so many stupid things that you’ve made me regret—things I hope you will forgive me for and look beyond— but this, waiting a little longer for the love of my life, I can do.

“You are the most honest, warm, loving person I know. Your loyalty and friendship amazes me every day. I have never wanted anything more in my life than I want your love, and I don’t want to share that with anyone. I haven’t done a single thing in my life to deserve you, schnecke, but I will never give up on you, and I won’t let you give up on me.”

“So you were just ignoring my text messages?” The fact he didn’t even try and bullshit me made me respect him a little more.

He lowered his gaze to side-eye me. “I was furious with you.”

If I remembered correctly, I’d done the same thing when I’d been angry with him for being weird in front of Franz and Alejandro. Bah. I reached over and patted his knee. “Well like I told you in my text, I’m sorry for what I said that day. I was frustrated, and I didn’t mean it.”

“I know that now.” He blinked. “You aren’t a quitter, and I wouldn’t let you give up anyway.”

Talking about those nearly back-to-back conversations made my eye twitch. “Don’t be a dick and accuse me of sleeping with your friend then.”

Kulti made a face that was almost remorseful. Almost. “I was… agitated. I didn’t like the idea of you spending time with him in secret. It bothered me.”

I’m not sure why it took me so long to understand what had upset him, why Franz and I practicing bothered him so much. Was this real? If he wasn’t full of crap about what he was saying, a lot of things finally made sense. Why he was so adamant about us not going on dates with other people when Sheena had suggested. The face he made when I’d told him about my ex.

“I don’t like the idea of you being with another man.”

I will not smile. I will not smile. “I wouldn’t like the idea of you spending time with another woman and not telling me about it either.” There, I said it. I just went right out and said it. All right. I cleared my throat, bit both my lips at the same time and shrugged. “There isn’t anything wrong with that. I thought you were just being an asshole about Franz. I sure as hell don’t like thinking about you being with other women, or even being reminded of your ex-wife, if I’m even allowed to say that. I know I don’t look like the women you’re usually interested in, or dress like the women you used to date, but you know that and you’re still here. That has to count for something,” I told him honestly.

“I’m not going anywhere,” he claimed.

“You can say that all you want, but you told me that you are the way you are and you’re never going to change, so I’m going to tell you the same thing. I am the way I am, and I’m never going to change either. I wasn’t built for a whole bunch of drama, Rey. Everything going on right now, this is it. I’m maxed out. I want a steady, stable life. When I commit to something, I’m in all the way. I don’t share, or even play around with the idea of infidelity. You’re my friend right now, but I don’t want something to happen that makes me want to move on with my life. I don’t want to be forced to pretend like these last few months haven’t happened. You mean too much to me.”

If it’s meant to be, it’s meant to be. If not, then… I’ll figure something out. This isn’t the end of the world.

Then he kissed me. Unexpectedly, out of the blue, sudden as a heart attack.

The dream of a teenage Sal and the dream of twenty-seven-year-old Sal, became one.

Reiner Kulti, my German, my pumpernickel, pressed his lips to mine. The same lips I’d kissed a minimum of fifty times on the posters that had once been on my wall. His mouth was warm and chaste, pressing, pecking, one, two, three, four times. He kissed one corner of my mouth, then the other.

Holy mother of God, I was a sucker for those corner kisses.

I opened my mouth just a little and kissed him back. Our kisses were a little more open-mouth than closed. Five, six, seven, eight times he let me press my lips to his. He let me be the one to kiss him back. Nine, ten, eleven times, right under his lips, on a chin that hadn’t gotten the memo it had been shaved that morning.

His breath rattled in his chest as he pulled back, eyes closed, mouth firm and tight.

My heart ran and ran and ran. Without thinking about it, I put my hand on his chest and felt. I felt the furious pounding beneath all that muscle and bone, just like mine. Excited, racing, sprinting, trying to win like always.

I loved this man.

Sure, it made me an idiot and loving him didn’t necessarily mean anything, especially when I wasn’t positive that Kulti wasn’t on drugs but…

Well hell. Life was about taking chances. Going for what you wanted so that you didn’t get old and have pages of regrets. Sometimes you won and sometimes you lost, as much as I hated it.

“Why are you telling me this now all of a sudden?” I croaked.

His hands stroked down the line of my upper arms to stop at my elbows. “I won’t be the reason your career is blemished,” he explained.

The reason my career was blemished?

Oh. Oh. I’d been the one to say it from the very beginning: it didn’t matter what anyone else thought as long as we both knew we hadn’t done anything. I could go to my grave knowing I hadn’t done any fraternizing with my coach. Oh my God.

“I wanted to wait until the season was over. I didn’t want to rush you. A few months are nothing compared to the rest of my life, schnecke.” Kulti nodded, his eyebrows hitching up a quarter of an inch as recognition hit me. “You have no idea what the day of your concussion did to me.”

His face tipped down as his expression turned grave. “I thought your neck was broken. It was the most frightening thing I have ever experienced. Franz called and asked how my schnecke was doing.

“My schnecke. My little snail, do you know that’s what it means? It’s a term of affection in my country. My love. My snail. I don’t want to waste more time. I have nothing to hide and neither do you.”

I tilted my head back, my throat completely exposed as I sighed in desperation. “Please don’t say stuff like that.”

“It’s the truth.”

“No, it’s not. We’re friends. You said I was your best friend, remember? You can love me but not be in—“ I couldn’t say it. I shut my mouth and gave him an exasperated look.

“I can and I am. When you love something you do whatever you need to do to protect it, isn’t that right?” He tilted his face down, making sure our eyes were meeting.

All I could manage to do was stare and hyperventilate.

He nodded, his big hands kneading my arms. “You’re supposed to say, ‘Oh yes.’”

I could feel my lower lip trembling as his thumbs rubbed the tender part in the crook of my elbow. “You’re delusional.”

“I’m not.” Kulti tipped his head down, eye to eye like he’d been with me when I’d woken up from my concussion. “Understand, I would wait for you however long you needed me to, but I hope you don’t ask me to wait any longer than the end of this season.”

Panic made my throat tighten. This was all too much. “I have a choice in this. I don’t know—”

“You know, Sal. It’s why we fight and make-up. Why we’ll always fight and make-up. You were the one that said to me that you fight with the people you love the most, remember? You and I fight all the time, see?”

Those big hands left my thighs and before I could wonder where they were going, they landed on my cheeks. In a split second, he tilted my face just slightly down and we were eye to eye, his breath on my face. Those amazing hazel eyes were closer than they’d ever been.

Well hell. Life was about taking chances. Going for what you wanted so that you didn’t get old and have pages of regrets. Sometimes you won and sometimes you lost, as much as I hated it.

We made it all the way to my car and got inside before I broke.

Turning carefully in the seat to face him, the side of my right thigh up against the back support, I gathered my words and sorted them as he watched me the entire time. When I was ready, I gave myself a pep talk and met his eyes. “Look, you’re my best friend, and I am so thankful to have you in my life, but you don’t…” I couldn’t say it. I couldn’t.

“I don’t what?” he asked in a cool tone, those clear eyes locked.

“You know what.”

He blinked. “No. Tell me.”

Yeah, not happening. I couldn’t even put the word in the same sentence with his name. “I know you care about me, but you don’t have to do all this. I can figure something else out. It’s too much.”

The German crossed his arms over his chest, his expression unforgiving. “It isn’t too much, not for you.”

There we went again. Sweet Jesus. “Rey, please. Don’t say stuff like that.”

“Why?”

“Because it gives people the wrong impression.”

Those jewel-like eyes narrowed into slits. “What impression is that?”

“You know what impression it makes.”

“I don’t.”

“You do.” Dear God, if this friendship continued, I’d probably have premature hair loss in no time.

“It isn’t an impression. I could care less what anyone else thinks when it’s the truth.”

Oh hell. “Rey, stop it. Just… stop.”

“No.” The expression on his face was determined. “You are the most honest, good thing I’ve ever had. I won’t deny it to anyone.”

Dear God. Panic flooded my belly. “I’m your friend.” I sounded timid, borderline panicked.

His forehead was as smooth as ever. Kulti looked more calm and collected than I’d ever seen him. There was no trace of anger or frustration on him. He was somber and serious and terrifying. “No. You mean so much more to me, and you know it.”

Once you reluctantly accepted that people were always going to judge you no matter what, it got a little easier to deal with having people dislike you.