Robert M.Drake

I want you to feel—

to remember what it was like

when you first laid eyes on

something you loved.

I want you to breathe,

to inhale.

To run your fingers

through the air

and collect the memories

as they pass you by.

I want you to remember

the way we spoke.

The way we looked

into our eyes

as the scent filled

the empty

space in the room.

I want you to feel it.

To remember it.

To be

attracted to it.

I want the company

of me

to remind you

how to live,

how to laugh,

and, above all,

how to love.

I have this feeling

that you want me

to believe

that you’re broken,

that you’re this miserable,

lonely person.

This human being

who endures

all types of hurting,

right?

But I think you’re wrong.

I know deep down

within you,

within that hurting body,

there’s more

and it’s something

beyond what the eye could see.

And I know

it’s ferocious.

It doesn’t contain fear.

You’re strong

but that doesn’t mean

you have to be alone.

People love you,

so you should let them

love you.

People will always notice you

for who you really are.

I have this pretty awful feeling bubbling beneath the surface of my mind. I’ve been overthinking myself closer to a version of hell that consists of me staying up odd and lonely hours of the night. Fighting for my sanity, searching for my peace. Unable to find myself and everything I lost, the moment I allowed myself to think of you as something more than you should’ve been. I could be sleeping right now but instead I have this awful thought of you thinking of someone else other than me. Sometimes I wish I was on your mind as much as you destroy mine.

The later it gets, the deeper I dwell in an unforgiving pit of confusion. Maybe I’m in love with an illusion. Maybe I hold on to the idea of holding on to you out of fear of losing. Strangely, it’s the loss of something I never had that keeps me hoping for something you’ll never give me.

but I believe I need more than what these evenings usually provide. I need more time for me instead of wasting these moments on trying to figure out what I mean to your life. I need more sleep and less of you.